Wednesday 17th February 2016 3:24pm
So as you may have seen I am a new blogger so please give me some patience while I get my feet on the ground with this.
My name is Andrew but I get referred to as Roo, please feel free to do the same. tick is something you will read about within the next few paragraphs.
This blog, for me, is going to be kind of like an online journal. What has worked for me over a few days, what hasn’t… Highs and lows and all sorts. Personal stuff that could help me.
For the past 4 or 5 years I have suffered with the two delights that work hand in hand with each other: Depression and Anxiety.
For most people they think 4 or 5 years isn’t a long time but in reality that has been the majority of my adult life. It was the end of my teen years and the start of the 20’s… I’m now only 22 and have been told my depression is now Bipolar. (Scary right?) I have decided to call my Bipolar/Depression Tick, because why not give something you have to have forever a name?
I’ve been sent referral letters for psychiatrists, basic medication till stronger medication is provided, tablets to help me sleep and god knows what else, but in all of this I still haven’t been told “officially” that I have bipolar or even what stage.
Now that itself is a scary thought… “We believe you have bipolar but we can not be sure 100% at this moment of time but you do show and example all of the signs. We have sent you off for a final referral in which you will be told what and if any medication can be provided. In the mean time I have prescribed some antidepressants till new medication is provided.” That is the exact text my doctor told me.
Immediately you go into overdrive. What is it? Why do I have it? How do I cope? Have I been showing signs? How will my family understand?
So like an everyday person who has access to the Internet on a smartphone or laptop, I googled everything. I mean everything. My partner even googled everything just in case I missed something and was checking different websites to what I looked at.
Statitistics are everywhere, 1 in 5 have this. 1 in 3 people suffer depression. You are not alone… Biggest yet the smallest sentence that is everywhere absolutely everywhere. But when it comes down to it… I do feel alone. I’m guessing many do.
I have an incredibly close family, all of which are so different and in a larger scale we are perfect together, we have qualities in each other that another doesn’t and it works. My partner is amazing, he is caring and does worry, he’s a big worrier like myself! (Oh not like it matters but I am a gay male but that’s just added information for you) But despite the family and my partner I do feel alone, it’s just me and my thoughts…
I have been told I have manic episodes. Everyone’s are different but apparently mine have been incredibly rapid recently. By recent I’d say it been the last 4 weeks. I have spent more money on stuff I didn’t need, who needs 7 phone cases all similar? Who needs 5 of the same pair of jeans or tops in the same color that don’t fit? Why do I need a skipping rope when I don’t intend to use it? Aside from the shopping other parts of my episodes have been having full blown conversations in my head and answering them aloud to the person who never asked me a question… People get a laugh out of it but it does become something I am scared of. I have now realized I struggle to separate reality and ‘imagination’ or ‘The Bubble’ as I call it apart from each other which again is scary.
But this has been a very long intro to myself, a 22 year old male. Thank you for taking the time to read this (if anyone has) if not Thank you Roo for revisiting the first time you took a step to try and make sense of things. I will be posting again soon.
oh and I will be dating them at the top to help keep this more journal/diary like each time so I can recall all details again and the motivation as to why I did the post.