Friday 26th February 2016 9:59pm
It’s Friday. Friday feeling for us all! The fact little work was done as everyone has been so happy to see the weekend. The reasonable time to drink. The time where no alarms are set. Lie ins are possible. You can spend all day or two for that fact in bed. Visit a new city. Go shopping. Do anything you possibly can, money and company provided and energy levels are required.
Has this week dragged on a bit? Is it just me who felt like this? I don’t know if it was my first full week in work or the fact it’s been an odd and bizarre week.
Tom has been away this week, well from Tuesday onwards. It’s been incredibly difficult for me. I lost my right arm and felt so useless and even more lost than normal. So I did some shopping. Bad I know. I spent a stupid money on charms, I bought cards, as I am a geek, charms and beads and then I bought Tom some thank you presents for everything he has done for me the last few weeks.
The story of what I got Tom for a thank you present is based on the fact that in our spare bedroom upstairs we have a piano. Not a grand piano a smaller electric one but a piano non the less. When we brought it over he said he couldn’t find any of his sheet music. So as a thank you I have bought him 3 books. A collection of 50 song ranging from Pop to Jazz classical. He was very chuffed. I also got him Adele’s 21 and 25 album sheet music. This he welled up at. He loves Adele and I’m so glad he loves them. Expect to see posts about how I have all of a sudden grew an allergy to the piano, that I’m only joking I’m looking forward to doing little sing a longs with him. I also got him a Microsoft Excel book as I thought he would appreciate this as he always asks me for help, he laughed at this, which is priceless to see as he has such a happy laugh and its infectious. He’s adorable. So that’s the story and what I got him for a thank you present for everything he has done for me recently.
He has another present on the way but I think we have to collect that from the post office sorting office tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
So Tom is home which means I’ll sleep better than I have all week. I have my security and comfort back. However last night I was up thinking, like normal you know the drill. I was sat thinking about addictions and personalities and all sort. I thought about my addictions and what not, yeah not a lot but I believe and have been told I have an addictive personality. It can be dangerous and very costly. When I would first go out drinking I would go hard, like all night non stop drinking, little or no sleep and then repeat it the next day. I would do this for a couple of days without any concerns, a lot of people may say this isn’t an issue but it is when you want to do it a lot. An awful lot, but not like alcoholics. Just to clear that up. I have been offered recreational drugs before, sadly I agreed to this. I went through a phase and to this day never told my family, sorry if you read this mother. I never had to heart to say anything about it for some reason except to the close people in my life. I know it’s common now a days but still. Recently, but recently I mean over the last few years, I found out weed is good to help you relax and helps with anxiety, depression and very good for bipolar. So I have used this and found it does work. I wouldn’t like to say I’m a stoner as I don’t have it every night but if I find I can’t cope or am struggling why not? I know it’s illegal but still.
So I was addicted to this for a period. I do have cravings for everything. Smoking was the latest which is why I’m trying to quit. I have successfully managed to do 3 days without a cigarette which means my cravings are now psychological. I am using an electronic vaper so does this still count? Anyone else had an addiction?
My latest craving is for a tattoo. I love tattoos. I would be covered if my money was more stable and we wasn’t saving for a wedding and a house and planing lots to do in our life which would be perfect. I guess tattoos are the luxury of luxuries. My latest one would be a thy piece covering two horrific tattoos I did myself. It would be the Disney castle outline with Maleficent in the background, all color from the original Disney films, green and purples and yellow. I know a lot of people have said you’d regret that when your old and my comment is why? Why would i? I’d have something which shows my interest, my childhood and a love which would never die. I would also finish my sleeve and potentially start on my right arm and chest. This would be the plan eventually but would clearly need to win the lottery.
So my addictions are basic, the other thing is cheese. I think about addictions a lot and if everyone else is the same or are they sheep to a flock? Go with the flow kinda people.
So the lack of sleep I had last night, I had to incorporate it somewhere but at least it hasn’t been my opening line, plus the overthinking of addictions. I was left to think is bipolar an addiction? Does it make your brain, mind or whatever do things that a normal one wouldn’t? Is this why people are more addictive than others? They are more persuaded to the ‘Darker’ things in life? Is there a clear link?
I always end up feeling alone a lot of the time, only a few can talk to despite everyone saying I’m here for you. Yeah right. People only interested in things that would benefit themselves. You only find a few people who would bend over backwards for you and you would do the same for. Otherwise you can bend over backwards and then they will push you over and walk over you. Leaving you behind. People are dicks. I understand why people hate people now.
Im looking forward to the ‘false’ sleep these tablets provide. I don’t have to worry about sleeping past the alarm since there isn’t one set for tomorrow. I don’t have to worry about being somewhere for a set time.I get to cuddle up to Tom all night and in the morning without having to move for hours if possible.
I like the weekends and for once I don’t miss drinking every night. I think I found the best thing in life which alcohol doesn’t need to mask. I just wish, I truly wish, I wasn’t classed as ill or hold an illness as you will always have that lingering I front of you. Or even on your shoulder like the Tick it is.