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Thursday 3rd March 2016 8:15pm

Thursday! The only day left before Friday! Which means even closer to the weekend! How exciting is this! Today as you can see all over the Internet is #throwbacks. The biggest hashtag I have ever seen based on one day!

I always get mortified when I see I have been tagged in something somewhere and the only line I can see is #throwbackthursday

Its terrifying. I don’t want to see what I looked like 6 years ago. I was hideous. I still am, but I don’t want to see my fashion disasters and horrible haircuts and the bad acne I had!

Thursdays are such fake Friday’s. I don’t like them. There isn’t anything to do. Nothing happens at all. It’s a dull day.

I have an appointment on Monday morning. This appointment is to discuss how work can accommodate me. I’m pretty sure everyone is still walking on eggshells around me and let me do willy nilly as I please. It’s odd. So I have become slightly worried about this. I have never had to visit someone about this before.

I went and visited my mother tonight after work and had a conversation about it and my step dad was talking about it and how the conversation is steared based on what I say. I panicked when I was told this. I thought this was to help me. I never thought there is a chance I could loose my job based on what I say, as a worse case but we would always jump to the worse case scenario in all things. I don’t want to loose my job. I can do my job well. I always thought I was vital part to do my job. Clearly not.

But would they get rid of me if I am tired? Or if I switch off at a certain time? But I still do my work. I get great results and have nothing but positive comments.

My mind is basically running a 1000 miles a second right now and I’m terrified. Should I be this worked up? Probably not. Should I worry? Probably not. I just don’t know. I want to say I’m tired from all of this but I’m not now.

I had an awful sleep. I was up at 4 and funnily enough so was Tom. He wasn’t impressed when he said he needed the loo and my reply was ‘Well isn’t this lovely to see you awake at this time and so do I but I don’t want to move just yet.’ He was not amused in the slightest. So infairness I should be shattered. I feel I should be but I’m not. I feel like I should be doing something. I think I’m going to knit or focus on something.

I can’t sit and do nothing I think this is making me worse. I would talk but I think word vomit would erupt. I don’t think I could talk as I said how concerned about it I was earlier. I feel like I’m repeating myself a little bit.

I feel like I should eat a lot too. I don’t want to as I would like to loose weight but I am trying so hard which I think makes it worse!

I need surgery for this. I think I require emergency services. Yeah let’s go with that.

I should try and wind down… Not going to happen anytime soon. This probably, well more than likely has been an incredibly awkward and pretty low feeling. I’m sorry if I brought your mood down. I just had to get it off my chest in a post, I think this just reflects on the fact my mood has been so low the last few days. I’m struggling to stay so positive everyday. I just want to punch someone.

This may also be due to the lack of cigarettes I have had. It may all be connected. I doubt it though. (Do not ruin this. I am convinced they are not related and my mood is just low.)


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