Sunday 6th March 2016 9:13pm
Last night, shortly after I posted my latest post, we decided to have some drinks and watch another film.
Tom had his white wine. I had some rather questionable sized vodka cokes. This led to dancing in the kitchen till about 10:30 which then we decided things needed to be moved. So at 11pm last night I am reorganising the kitchen. There wasn’t a need for it. I was drunk. I just needed to do something. We didn’t want the happy feeling we had to vanish.
However, whilst in mid kitchen organisation mode a suggestion was brought up that we should go out. Go out?! On a Saturday?! Don’t be ridiculous, who does that now a days?! But we toyed with the debate for a little bit. We ended up going out. From saying I’m not sure to leaving the front door was a total of 18 minutes. This included;
Showers, Drinks, Calling a taxi, sorting the cat out, finding an outfit, doing hair, putting required items In pockets, redoing hair, confirming if coats are required, double checking our personal items, final hair check and change, spray of aftershave, turning off all electrical items and locking the front door to get in the taxi.
This was a record for me. From all my going out antics and all sorts this was the quickest I’ve gotten ready. So we where out. Outside the house. Outside the four walls we become incredibly fond of. Outside the comfort zone for the night. Now entering the club.
Lots of gays everywhere. You can hear them laughing and bitching and gossiping and basically Being stereotypical. This was just by the front door! See the place itself isn’t bad, it’s the only gay club we have in the town and it’s fun. I never base it on where we go anymore it’s always based on the company. Last nights company was great, Tom and myself. Nothing could go wrong. We got our incredibly cheap drinks, had a cigarette, yes we had some last night but I don’t like them! I can safely say I would only do it when drunk and that’s at a push. After the nasty cigarettes we ventured to the dance floor to which we stood and said… I don’t miss this. It was busy. People where slushing around. Bumping anything possible. Creepy old guys just stood staring at you. Not appealing. But we danced and laughed and drank a lot. We didn’t expect to see anyone out but we did. We bumped into my friend Chris who is going to be best man at or wedding along with my brother.
So we all drank. We all laughed. We had a catch up as hadn’t spoke properly. We bitched. We gossiped. We called each other She. We became the stereotypical gays. Lovely.
But we did shots. Now today whilst in the car, where most of my thinking occurs outside of trying to sleep, I came to the conclusion that as a species we are fucked. We have red bull. Red bull has written on it not to be mixed with alcohol. So what do we do?! We have jaegerbombs. Glitterbombs. Vodka and red bull. Run and red bull. No wonder we’re all fucked. We’re all insane because of this. We notice something and something In our head goes yes! Let’s ignore all warnings and potential repocusions and let’s fuck shit up. Let’s mix everything. And we do. And we get plastered and think it’s great.
Now I am guilty of doing all shots. I love jaeger. People don’t like it when I buy shots as its never one its 5 each in some cases and it’s jaegerbombs because why not fuck shit up. I had bad experiences with mixing red bull. A few years ago I was on a heart monitor for how bad my heart beat was. I had irregular palpitations, irregular everything to do with my heart. I had medication and all sorts. Tests everything! Now this was because I drank too much red bull. Obserd! I only drank it when I was drinking alcohol. Then it twigged. I was drinking that much my emotional state was questionable but my health was deteriorating because I drank a lot at the weekends. More than anyone should. But I never learnt. Well I did and o didn’t. I am careful now but still love me bomb shots.
So last night there where shots. Lots of drinks. Lots of dancing. Lots of smoking. Lots of being stereotypical. It was fun. So cut to where we are home. Being silly. The rooms begin to merge into a blur and spin. Round and round. Non stop. So I took paracetamol and a pint of water and took myself to bed. I was greeted by cuddles in bed by Gypsy shortly followed by Tom also wanting a cuddle.
Now… I was up at 7:12ish this morning. I got in at 3:25ish. We got into bed after being silly and childish at 3:45… I had less than 4 hours sleep no shock but it was broken sleep. Now I’m shattered this morning. I wanted to kill someone because I felt so mleh! I didn’t have a hangover o was just tired and my mouth tasted like an ash tray that has been sat in a stupidly hot dessert for 4 hours. Nasty.
So I’m up. I’m grumpy. I’m thirsty and hungry and I’m very tired. I have water make a cup of tea have some cheese on toast and lay in bed. I also made Tom this too along with paracetamol for him too as he gets very bad hangovers.
Now we get up i decide I don’t want to be tired so I’m hyper. I’m bouncing around the house like I’ve just won a scratch card or something. It’s ridiculous. I don’t want to admit I’m tired and horrible but I decided let’s not. Let’s try and keep a really good mood. Well… I kept my really good mood. I have kept it all day. I’m still in a good mood right now laying in bed but I’m knackered. I think I nearly killed my body last night and I don’t want to repeat it too soon. I have decided I like staying in. I like being dull and knitting and drinking tea whilst watching crap films and tv with Tom next to me and the cat Between us. That to me is perfect.
I’m so glad I have this. I don’t want to be part of a messed up system. I don’t want to be part of a species that has made things which shouldn’t of been made. I don’t want that. I don’t want the horrible feelings of being tired. I think I want to be more robotic but with emotions, expressions and the ablility to hold my senses. That would be ideal. To be more robotic but still love. To still hold your pet and stroke them to the point they pur they enjoy it.
I don’t like the side effects alcohol have on you. It doesn’t suit humans. It causes problems and issues that would never speculated until we had that sip of alcohol. We become over confirmed or insecure. We laugh or cry. Why do we need it to help us push those feelings? It’s messed us all up.
I like being positive. I like being happy. Alcohol is such a depressant it’s ridiculous. I know I shouldn’t drink whilst on tablets as it will make me feel as low as I do but it’s true. We have messed up by mixing everything within an inch of life and now we suffer the consequences.
We fucked up. Bad humans. Bad feelings. Bad negativity. Bring on positive vibes.
Tomorrow is Monday. Again. It’s gone too quick. I said on Friday I was excited to have my appointment at 9am but I’m not. I’m worked up. I’m so concerned about the outcome I wish I could brush it off but nope. I have to master it and buckle down to it. Least it makes the day shorter for a Monday.
Oh god. I hate the day after drinking.