Thursday 10th March 2016 11:14pm
We’re back to the throwback day. The day everyone uses the hashtags and posts ridiculous selfies or images they took years ago. Today I have taken part in this. I posted photos of me playing with make up and me being the basic bitch in drag.
I used to dress in Drag a lot. I guess it all started when my mother always found me in her make up bag when I was no more than 3 and would have a full face of something on. O would walk around in her shoes too. I think this was when they realised I was gay. It wasn’t just a one of thing, I think it happened most weeks. My mum must of went through so much make up. I feel really bad, I know one little tub of foundation is nearly £10 so no wonder parents go ape shit at their children when they do this! Anyway back to today’s life and me in dresses and shit. I would go out and confuse people. They couldn’t tell if I was a biological female or a psychological female for the night. It was always straight guys as well. The guys who always said “There’s something about you that I can’t put my finger on” to which my reply was always as crude as “Well you’ll never get to out your finger on my dick anyway, but can you hold my tit for a minute I’ve got an itchy nipple.” Classy bird right?!
When I was in Drag I had my own drag name. I was confident. I was cheap. I was loud and had no care. I was opposite what I am now and that’s just what everyone is like. Put on a mask, however in my case it was a face full of make up, change how people view you and you can be anyone. You can do what you wouldn’t dare to do when you’re yourself. My drag name is Gypsy LaWhore.
It has a classy ring to it right? I just felt in love with it when playing with names one day. I wanted to be called Pheonix but that’s too cliché. It’s not unique. Then I was talking about Gypsys and the rules and all sorts and skulls and what not, the mystical side of the historic Gypsys. I realised then and there that I felt a like to that word… Gypsy. Gypsy. Gypsy. Then the LaWhore bit came from the fact I always always always used to call people whores. I don’t know why. So I thought let’s add some flavour to it. Let’s add La. La sounds exotic when you add it to a name and it worked. From then onwards I was called Gypsy by a few people, in general even out of Drag. I loved it.
So let’s cut to today. I rarely dress in drag. I still have all my make up, I have a big wooden unit which is filled to the brim with it, lashes, foundations, powders, lipsticks, Eye shadows, blushers the lot! I have stupid amounts of brushes for every single face line needed. A small one for just under the brows and an even smaller one for by the side of my nose. It varies a lot in sizes and colour’s for everything inside this wooden unit. I have my wigs on mannequins, well two my favourite ladies on them! The rest are stored away in big balls which means I have to de tangle and was them the day before I would use them. But I get to restyle them every time. It’s a very soothing and relaxing job to do. My dresses and outfits are all stored away in the wardrobe and big units inside wardrobes and all sorts. Then we have the shoes. The weakness! I. Love. Shoes.
I have Killer Heels which are 9 inches. I have Knee highs with diamonds up the back of them. I have spiked 8 inch heels. I have home made mesh heels. I have snakeskin. I have a type of heel for everything! Any occasion to wear them I would. I’ve worn them to work – I worked in an office and had to walk to work everyday so I wore them. I had such a strut going on it was empowering. I wear them with my normal clothes if I can and I’m allowed, Tom gets freaked out now and then when I do drag as he cant see my real face and I think the eccentric side isn’t something he sees that often so it’s a treat. But I wouldn’t throw it in his face. I respect him for being honest with me and saying he’s not used to it.
I love shoes. I love high heels is what I should say really. I always dreamed I’d be a burlesque dancer. So today whilst in work I was daydreaming and listening to soundtracks for dancers. Strippers up to burlesque dancers. Since then I have wanted to watch Burlesque all day. I love it. It was always my dream to be in something like that. Be a star in a dance number but in drag with big costumes and diamonds and sequences. Work all hours and make everyone feel good about themselves by just putting on a show. I always thought I’d do well as an entertainer, or in that industry anyway. Turns out Tom wants to work in a club like that too. He wants to wear the guy liner, a waste coat the bowler hat and be all mysterious and different. So I suggested we should do it.
After the wedding get looking and get our own club. Make it a Burlesque bar. Have performers and musicians. Random acts and open at the times to suit the mystical people. I think he thinks I’m joking. I would love to do it. I did used to want to own a club, a bar anything along those lines. It was always a dream I had. But I guess that dream will always be a dream for a dreamer. Financially we could never ever afford it. We would be exhausted and working 24/7 365 possibly 364 days a year. It would kill us considering we don’t like to work as it is.
So what would you do in that case? Let the dream flicker by? Or do you hold it in the bubble and store it and keep the dream as a ‘backup’ hmm.
Soeaking along the lines of dreams. Last night I had the dream again. The monster was trying to win but I didn’t wake up. I didn’t stir. I just slept. I had a full solid 5 and a half hours sleep before I woke up. This is new. This is unheard of for me recently! I didn’t panic when I thought I was dying. I knew in my heart of hearts that I wasn’t dead. I was dreaming and this was just a horrible dream and the monster was trying to get me.
Ive tried to stay so positive today about everything. I think the monster just wants some free time. I don’t want this to happen so I’m determined to stay strong. Keep pushing and dreaming. I want a happy dream now. I’m going to try and dream of the Club. See how it would work. Obviously I would be either Cher or Christina since they are both amazing!
I hope I don’t ever loose that dream. That innocent dream and the drag queen. I hope I get to rekindle it now and the. Even if it is for parties and what not. May end up being a clown for parties which is an entertainer! Never thought I would but I could
I feel I need to stop writing as I’m causing myself to become more awake and alive. I should be asleep or trying to. I just don’t seem to want to stop writing. I need to.
Its time for sleep. Goodnight Dreamers.