The Return.

Sunday 10th July 2016 10:23pm

Guess what? I haven’t posted anything in over 3 months! Well roughly 3 months! So here I am. Writing a post. About something. I think I’ll just go with filling in the void and just write. No harm in that is there? Besides lots has happened!

The only downside to this is… I can’t actually remember what has happened! I have no idea! The start of May end of April I was off work again. So I’d had like a month In total off and then extra time and all that malarkey. So we’ll go with the fact I was off work. So I believe I pottered round the house. Did as much as I could. Tried to find a way to keep myself socially calm and relaxed and I think it worked.

I went with Tom on a few of his day trips with work. I stayed over in London, did some sight seeing. Visited people. Met up with my brother. Visited some cool places round Soho in London! Absolutely amazing pubs and funky venues. We went into the Friendly Society and was stood admiring the barbie dolls on the ceiling and noticed a woman was dancing round, in what looked like her work outfit, but with just her bra and bottoms on (unzipped Dress) and some horrible trainers! What is that about?! But we had such a laugh. The next day we came home and I was on such a downer as I love London. I never want to leave it. It feels more socially acceptable and a place I fit into, rather than the city I currently live it. Only downsides would be you’d be lonely to start with, well I’d have Tom but it would be us two vs London. Other side is, the cost! How can people afford it!? Do jobs pay in solid gold bars there? It’s madness!

But yeah so that’s what I occupied myself with whilst off work. Going with Tom on day trips, plodding around everywhere and keeping myself busy!

I went back to work and I was so worked up. Terrified. Horrifically anxious but the person I now sit next to, oh a shock to me was walking in and everything and everyone had moved desks, was so lovely and helpful! We just talked and she made me feel more welcome than anyone else in that place. It was kind of a breathe of fresh air. Plus I needed to go back to work otherwise Tom would have killed me as I think I got on his nerves when he was working from home. So I worked. Studied for my theory test. Got drunk the night before and failed it, not a good way of doing it. Went for lovely day trips on the weekend and even stayed at my sisters more! Bonus!

So through June, let’s just skip to there. I don’t remember what else happened in May, sorry. I’ve had alcohol and sleep since then!  We went and dog sitted for my sister which I’m happy with anytime of the day to do! We spent 3 days in her hot tub only venturing out to wee and get more alcohol and potential food now and then, and to check on the animals of course. We did do that job very well but they always came and sat next to us beside the tub so we knew they where all fine. We are shit loads.

Ive had multiple appointments with different teams. One team thought I was full on cray cray. Like beyond crazy. They couldn’t understand why I was like the way I am. They made me doubt myself and think I was crazy!

So after dealing with this team who said, no you’re not psychologically unstable and we do not have any concerns however we have this issue. The mood issue. The unbalanced swings. The manic highs and the insane lows. So they passed me onto another team. So that was fun. As met them and she said the same thing. I’m not crazy I’m just unbalanced. I know this. This is the second time I’ve heard this within a 3 week period. It’s getting annoying hearing it over and over again. I mean come the fuck on Bridget and change the record! Tell me something new, something helpful! So again I’ve been passed to someone else. And recently my first appointment with her was a bit upsetting. I was made to feel very special, not in a good way, but I understood stuff and I couldn’t stop crying. But I’ll move onto that shortly.

So back to the teams. So everyone confirmed I wasn’t crazy insane. They all said it was my moods and there still could be bipolar however you do not have Schizophrenia! Say what now?! Why do I now have this?! Has this just developed instantly?! So no… I do not have Schizophrenia. Jolly good. Although they had a concern about one fact: I can hear a voice (rare) and it asks me a question, but it’s only ever in the persons voice who I’m currently with and it relates to something we’re currently doing.

Bizzare? Anyone else had this? So this voice which doesn’t happen often, made them panic and in the end they asked me if it worries me. I said not really but one thing I don’t like about it is I don’t know I do it or how often it happens. This they said is fine. It’s fine. It’s just my Brains way of coping with things, odd.

So by the end of June, I’m working full time again. I’m bubbly again. I’m social. I talk like before and I do stuff still. The only flip to this is I still have no documented detail of what wrong with me, if there is anything wrong with me and I have no other answers regarding medication or anything. But hay ho.

I am alive. I’m well to a degree so couldn’t complain! So July. Up to date. See it’s only short and sweet because my memory is awful and I can’t remember everything!

1st of July I went to Prague for my Sten weekend. If you do not know what a Sten do is, it’s a stag and hen merged together. So lots of drinks where involved! Within an hour landing we got to our apartment after climbing 150 thousand stairs. Dumped our stuff. Freshened up. Went found a pub and ate some food and then got wasted. Like mortal. We did raw absinthe each in rather large glasses (not shot glasses) and then the rest of the night was a blur however all my photos are public on Facebook Andrew William Phimister. 🙂

So that was the first night which ended at 3ish? With me running round the apartment naked and dancing as I wanted to dance before I threw up, whilst my friend tried to catch me and put me in the bathroom so he could go be sick. Classy birds we are. Next day, we did lots of walking. We had all physically died from exhaustion and dehydration. So hydrated ourselves. Viewed the scenery and then went and did go karting and they made me Dress as Mario! It was awesome! I got to be Mario whilst go karting! I was just missing a few bananas and shells! We then went for a meal and I was told I had to dress as a penguin! Again amazing! Favourite animal! So smart too! So had food. Sweated my tits off in a furry outfit in 28 degree heat. Had cocktails and got smashed in the high end gay bar! Brilliant! I was on a stage. I was getting free drinks. It was lush. Sunday we did some exploring and just did the touristy thing. It was overall an amazing weekend! Came home Monday 4th July, Tom was working away so didn’t actually see him till Tuesday! Was a long time to go and I did miss him! But then i had the holiday blues, normal lows as I didn’t want to do anything as I was having too much fun, and I didn’t want to leave Tom for 8 hours a day.

So that brought us up to this week. So not a lot has happened.

I did say I would mention the latest appointment. So she believes I do have bipolar but isn’t 100% certain on this, so she wouldn’t bet me on this. But she is trying to work out how it can work for us both and what support etc I’ll have. So she has all my notes, logs all sorts but she asked me to go through it all again. That was the horrible part, I didn’t have toms support next to me as he was at work and I was sat talking about everything I’ve already spoke about but had to provide more details. I didn’t want to talk about the twat of a father we had. There was no need, realistically as its already on the notes. But other than this fact she was good, she was talkative and seemed interested. She’s speaking to doctors within the team about changing small things and trying me on new medication to see how I go as she wants to find a neutral level for my mood. So it would be more natural if I was having a high or a low and wouldn’t be as extreme from one side of a scale to the other. That I thought was great. First person to offer me this and didn’t say I wasn’t crazy! Bonus!

So in just over a week I shall be meeting her again with the result and we’ll go from there. I did think about taking my medication every other day as I don’t think I’m that bad. Despite the fact I’ve had a low couple of weeks and high weekends I haven’t been too bad. But we’ll see.

So that’s it really. Today we bought the last bits for the wedding, so we’ve got the wedding favours for the best men. We’ve got our guest books, we have a special thing which has meaning to us for people who couldn’t be there. We’ve done really well I think! We even met the ohotograoher, well my friend the photographer, had a couple of cheeky shots, which are on Instagram and Facebook so go be nosey and foment how pretty we look! But that’s it really.

Now it’s back to work on Monday at 9am. And I will be watching the IOS App Store waiting for Pokemon Go to release. If you have it do not go there. I’m so jealous. I need it. It’s going to be my substitute for sitting around every night.

So new week. No smoking. Healthy eating. And going to do yoga again! I’m determined to become healthy. More at peace with myself. And more stable. More stable is the best one to think of really. Couldn’t wish for anything other than that. I need that, once that’s in place everything else will slot in correctly.

But yeah. That’s all. I’m going to try and sleep now as I’ve been doing so well getting more sleep at night at the minute. So goodnight.